Life for me as of late has been something of a Tale of Torment. I sit on a train most of the day and when I'm not at the train I'm at physical therapy. When I'm not doing those two things I'm sleeping or sulking.
I have never had an injury that I couldn't "walk out." Until now. My day to day stuff is about as interesting as staring blankly at a brown wall and trying to see when it will become a new car. It isn't going to become a new car but at least you have something to think about? Bad analogy I know, but I'm sure you get it.
I jokingly tell people that I've lost my mind but this is really not a joke. I think I may have. I've had thoughts about stuff that most people wouldn't dare to think because they'd get a migraine. My favorite thing(not) is being asked repeatedly how my "foot is doing" because it's not my foot and I've already told the "story of the busted hip" to them 100 times or more. I'm going to start saying, "Oh my foot? Yeah it's being replaced with a horse hoof and that's why it's taking so long for me to get back in the show."
Bitterness may be oozing from the screen but I assure you that I'm way past being bitter. I'm now in the zone of tarnished foil in the mouth.
Below is a list of things I've done in the last 7 weeks:
1. Watched "Nacho Libre" about 200 times because it makes me feel good.
2. Watched the special features of "Iron Man," about the same amount of times as item #1.
3. Cleaning my room- all-the-time.
4. Wrote 4 songs that I ended up throwing in the 'Recycle Bin' so that I could rewrite them for fun.
5. Edited 2000 photographs that I'll never look at again because to do so would land me further in the pit of ultimate darkness.
6. Made desperate attempts at communicating with friends at all times of the day, every day. So much so that I'm pretty sure they are figuring out ways to block my number.
7. I've texted more than any human on planet earth.
8. I've watched every video on YouTube ever posted.
9. I've eaten everything that a person can eat without someone calling a talk show to report, "Hoarding Intervention."
10. I've thought about how to successfully make a hover board a la "Back to the Future." (pretty sure I've got a solid blueprint going on)
11. Reached levels of rage that I didn't know I had the emotional capacity to reach.
12. Performed home surgery on strange rashes I received due to crutches being my modus operandi.
13. Cut my hair with blunt kitchen scissors.
14. Created a "hit list" of people who piss me off on any given day- rated each one based on a system I created using a form of calculus.
15. Started writing this blog.
You know those people who become crazy conspiracy theorist? I know how they mutated into that mentality. They were injured and left in solitude on a circus train for 7 weeks. That's how.
Paranoia knows no bounds when you are left alone for too long.
I've started collecting rocks from the various train yards that's I've been stuck in. I do this because it's something to do.
I've started to notice different stain formations on the vestibule steps. I ponder what caused them and if they are toxic.
I've had the same conversations with the same people at least 2000 times and each time I can't wait to do it all over again... it's something to do.
I've noticed the hex-bolts that hold together the vestibule doors are chipped and probably on the next train run to the next city I'll be smoking when the doors will fall off and I'll fly away... fah' fah' away.
I've figured out how to make chocolate kettle corn out of Sweet n' Low, Mexican Cocoa and a microwave that doesn't work efficiently.
I've consistently been perplexed by how when I pour a glass of water from the tap I can't see through the glass. Water is clear right? This has led to my secondary theory of how I received the worst stomach virus of 2010 about 1 month prior to my busted hip injury. I've done numerous experiments on this water. I've let a glass of it sit overnight only to find upon waking a sediment of green and a beautiful jade powdery substance at the bottom of the glass.
These are the things I do. I'm busy aren't I?
Stay tuned for more magnifique' events.
-Elusive Injured Clown
