He made me visualize a time in my life when I was forced to overcome something out of nothing but personal will power. I was quick to reply, he told me to shut up and really think about it.
At the time I was going through a major personal brick wall of what seemed to be a no-end situation. So... I sat there, really thought, thought hard and long and then I told the following story...
In 1994, I was 16 years old. In my history to that point, I had already had many reasons to rejoice in my triumphs and likewise, I could've very easily focused on the upsetting things of my life as well. I was a child entertainer. I was also an orphan. I was the winner of many awards, the star of many productions, national commercials, a prodigious tap dancer by the age of 10. I was also a fat kid with a lisp, unruly hair, a major learning disability, was sick all the time, and painfully picked on by kids my own age. This fat kid, i.e. me, had spunk though. I had just enough "dumb" in me to believe only the good things, and most of the time I ignored the bad things. In fact, I'll go so far as to say I didn't really admit to anything that was negative.
Some people would say that I was naive, but they would be wrong. If being naive to negativity is a bad thing, then that goes against anything that anyone has ever accomplished, overcame, won, or persisted through to reach victory.
I'm writing this blog because recently I've been in what I would call "the pit." A phrase that was coined by a dear friend who actually died while laughing. How fantastic! The "pit" is a symbolic way of describing a modus operandi that isn't the highlight reel of your life at that moment. The pit I've been in recently is residual because of the thoughts that came before the manifestation of 'said' pit. If you are thinking correctly you'd never know of that pit.
Why create it? Is it cozy there? Warm? Does it feel good to be in it? Nope. Nope. Nope.
Moving along.. I had an epiphany of something I've known as long as I've known myself. It goes back to what this actor friend told me in his car that day. He made me recall a time that I overcame something major and not only succeeded, but WON over all odds.
I launched into my story with him and it went a little something like this...
Being the fat kid who was super talented, I knew very well what tools I had to make people accept me. I had humor, I had talent, I could turn on the charm, I could talk to ANYONE about ANYTHING with full joy reverberating from my soul. Then something weird happened... I grew up. I no longer knew myself or how I fit in. I didn't have the kid thing going on anymore and it wasn't "cute and adorable" to be dumb, fat, and naive at the age of 16. The roles I auditioned for were given to the leggy tall blondes and I was a better dancer than my taller more beautiful counterparts?!!! All I can remember is thinking, "The summer is coming up and I'm going to reinvent myself. I WILL be beautiful. I WILL be dynamite. I WILL come back full force and I'm gonna shock even myself!" The summer I turned 16(in June), I spent most of my days alone and walking through the park just visualizing everything I wanted to be, look like, and do. I was in my own little world. [side note: I was so into my own head that my family thought I was on drugs. ha ha ha I've never done drugs in my life... already wired for "fun" Dig?]
So anyhow, I spent every single day that summer visualizing, visualizing, visualizing. I imagined myself center stage singing, dancing, and getting a standing ovation from my peers, my family, and a multitude of people that I didn't know at all. It's important to say that at this point, I was out of the loop of performing for the last 3-4 years. That doesn't seem like a lot of time, but when you have spent literally your entire childhood touring and performing and it's all you know- it's a long time to NOT do the only thing you know how to do. Dig?
So the summer goes by... I had visualized everything from getting a car, the perfect car, and the performing for people, standing ovation, being tall, beautiful, funny, smart, etc... over and over and over again...
When school started back up in the fall, I had literally grown about 3 inches in a summer(don't say "that is impossible" but with your mind, anything is possible.) I was about 120 pounds and around 5'7, long blonde hair, and even the very essence of my energy was radiating. My lisp was GONE, I was no longer the same person physically at all. More importantly- I had evolved emotionally. Nobody knew who I was when I returned to school. I was still being picked on but for an entirely different reason. I was being picked on by people who were jealous. "Who is that girl? Ugh. She thinks she's so awesome. Whatever. Why is she smiling at everyone? She makes me sick." I knew for the first time that I was being picked on because I had something they wanted. MY ENERGY. I realized I'd had that affect on people my entire life but never was aware of it until I chose to be aware of it.
There was an audition that year for a big musical. A huge production. I had NO business being the lead in this production. I walked into that audition and was so embarrassed and terrified to sing or show off at all that I completely froze. I asked the director if I could please just turn my back to him and sing because I was too scared to face anyone. Then something amazing happened. I barely squeaked out a verse from a song that I used to win awards singing when I was a kid. This director stopped me and said, "No Melodee, I know you can do this. I have a feeling about you and I know you can do this. Just go for it." I took a breath and then put the image of the center stage standing ovation I'd visualized all summer into my mind.... and went for it. What came out of my mouth wasn't even known to me. I had NO idea I could sing like I was singing. I sounded like a 45 year seasoned jazz singer in 1940. It was incredible. I got the part. I also had the "haters" of life saying "who is that? Can she even hack it? Bad decision on the part of the director. She must be sleeping with someone who is making the decisions around here."
A month or two later I was standing center stage and 600 people were standing up screaming and clapping as the curtain closed and I was taking the biggest bow of my life. I was also getting the biggest apologies from my fellow cast members for doubting me only 2 months prior to that big ol' bow center stage.
Long story made longer- I told that story to this actor friend and he said the following to me and now I'll say it to you.
He said:
"Hey Mel... When you doubt things going on in your life, just think about that story you just told me and remember THAT is what you are made of."
I'll leave you guys with one other quote right now... I hope it finds you like it found me earlier today.
" Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions." -Albert Einstein
So imagine greatness. Imagine love. Imagine beauty. Imagine health. Imagine something so grand that if you achieved it, it would actually blow your mind.
Thank God for epiphanies. Whew~! Just in time.
