Insomnia Reaches a Jersey Shore Low

Tonight I couldn't sleep. My mind was racing with all the details of life that I must sort out and file in the mental compartments that will facilitate a future night's sleep. After giving up on the sorting and filing of my mental factions I did the unthinkable....

I watched "The Jersey Shore."

In my life I have made many, if not thousands of mistakes, epic ones even. None of these mistakes do I regret. To make my point a bit better I'll list of few of my epic mistakes that I do not regret: Getting married and then divorced by the time I was 20 years old, moving to Los Angeles, skipping out on numerous apartments across the country because I "felt like it that day." Chasing/stalking an Elvis impersonator with a mullet and a fake guitar only to find out that he was a cocaine addicted Elvis impersonator with a mullet and a fake guitar. Getting way in over my head with someone that ended up being married with a child. Driving a 1982 Ford LTD in a no-visibility thunderstorm with no windshield wipers which eventually manifested in me hitting something in the road and snapping the axles on the car which in-turn sent me sailing with all 4 wheels going off into different directions on I-75, coming to a stop with flames shooting out of the engine by hitting a payphone at a 7-Eleven... I had all my families photo albums in the trunk. I checked into a hotel and from the window of my hotel room I watched them tow away my car...FOREVER.

I say all of THAT to say this....

I don't regret any of that. What I do regret is watching ONE episode of "The Jersey Shore."

I'll never get back the time I lost watching the dumbest people on the dumbest show IN THE WORLD.

If you haven't watched this show, you are a f*&ing genius. I am a mouth breathing retard apparently because I partook of the tree of the knowledge of good & evil. Now I know too much about what is wrong with wearing only Ed Hardy clothes and slathering 40 solid pounds of L.A. Looks hair gel on a blunt kitchen scissored haircut resembling an upside down mushroom cloud...

They all suck so hard.

I watched a total of 15 arguments that all stemmed from one of the shirtless retards saying something along the lines of, "Hey Sitch was rappin' 'bout how Jennifah' is fake but your like a bruthah to me so'z I jus' wanna know who is jumpin' in da' jacuzzi!!!"

At this point a strange argument would break out into full blown Juicy Couture sweatpant wearin' hater walk off w/finger waving & hair tossing, yelling, and bizarre insults like, "I can't look you in da' face cause your tan is wearin' off and shinin' on my snapdoodle."

I know it's a tired subject, I realize this. South Park actually did the best job at "nailing" it in an episode entitled, "It's a Jersey Thing." If you haven't seen this episode, you must.

It's now 6:45am and I haven't slept yet.

I could say so much more but I'm getting tired and I'm disappointed in myself for watching that show. There's only one thing I hate more than The Jersey Shore and that would be where it is filmed at(not in Jersey)... Miami, Florida. You combine those 2 things and you wouldn't equal the DNA components you needed to make a retarded bucktoothed parakeet.

On that note... I'm tired.

Going to sleep now.