Raisin' Pussies at the Pussy Farm- My rant on the anti-bullying campaigns.

In the present day we have thousands of anti-bulling campaigns in schools, media, government run organizations, privately funded youth programs, etc...

I'm here to splash some self-righteous waters and say for the record that the United States always screws up a good idea by making it the BEST idea. We compete within the bundle of "good ideas" to bring "awareness to the best plan of Good Idea," and then saturate, steep, and eventually submerge everyone (against their will) into our good idea pious hot tub.

I'm going on the record right now with one other thing...
I hate a bully as much as the next fat kid, but I also know they serve a purpose. I know this first hand. I believe that we've begun to confuse the term 'bully' with other descriptions that would be better in certain cases... Ex. ignorant, plebian, misguided, uninformed, or BAD PARENTING LAB RAT.

We didn't achieve great things, inventions, ideas, songs, poems, films, stand-up comedians, civil rights leaders, heros, comic book heros, mythology,  by patting everyone on the back and saying, "everything you are is just great and I support you, yay! Go you! Yay! Oh you feel bad about your decision to wear a ninja turtle costume to school and you're 14? Who said something mean to you about that? Why, I just can't believe it! You are a perfect individual and any decision you make is just your individuality coming out and I support that."

Sometimes your kid needs to have their ass kicked verbally because they suck.

If we were animals (and I'm not saying we aren't) we would be eaten by the pack, thrown from a cliff, or left to starve in the wilderness if we made a stupid ass decision to not do the things we need to do for the greater good.

Funny Example Below:
"Mr.  Grizzle Bear, did you realize your smallest cub is standing in the middle of the human's vacation cabin taking a dump? NO, I didn't know where he was! Well, he's an individual and I know it's a bear's job to learn how to hunt for food and prepare for the winter months, but if he feels like pooping in the human den, then who am I to stop him? I'm merely his beary father. What? They shot my bear cub? Well I'm going to form a non-profit organization that will allow more bear cubs to shit in human houses! That's final! Bears should be allowed to be not bears."

I'm beating a dead horse. I realize that. I don't care. Repetition is the mother of skill.

I've heard so many stupid self-attention seeking people on talk shows or in every day soundbites of real life say, "we just pulled my child out of school because he/she was a victim of bullying."

Oh... great message MOM..."when shit gets rough, you can just not face it and quit and momma will scoop your precious ass up and deliver you from your peril."

 "That's great parenting," said the sarcastic blogger.

Let's give our kids zero ability to cope with the harsh reality that IS mankind and form deep grooves in their neurological pathways that end in fit throwing and safety nets given by others.

THAT will be how the world ends right there. We get enough of these weak skinned pussy kids and you won't have a military, you won't have anything new and exciting created(because that involves risk taking and someone saying 'no' a few times before your idea gets flushed out and worthy enough for an audience), and when any crisis happens there will be an entire generation of people with their binky blankets and layers of unhealthy narcissism thus preventing them from seeing how any of it is their fault.

I was bullied. HARD. HARRRRRRD. I needed to be. I sang bullshit songs on the playground in musical theatre fashion, "why won't someone play with me?" And tattled on kids to the teacher who "wouldn't play with me." I made up stories about how Puff the Magic Dragon lived in my attic because I thought it was a sure fire way to get a friend to come over... the only kid who took the bait was a kid covered in dandruff who rocked back and forth 24/7 and wore the thickest glasses in. the. world. I ate poptarts out of nervousness with ice cream crammed in the center. Shit like that.

 Of course, there's a level of 'bullying' that isn't to be tolerated and that would be the 'bullying' from adults toward kids....which is abuse, not bullying.

 If your peers are pushing you around, making your life a living hell, telling you things about yourself that you didn't know, snickering at you, spreading rumors, then either they are all products of terribly abusive or unavailable parents, mentally sick... or they have a point and you need to keep it real with yourself or keep it real with them by giving it right back to 'em.

Either way, there's a common denominator to all of it which is how you react.

I'd like to thank Brandon Dixon, Luke Herald, Courtney Clembara, Tonya Hudson, Adria Wiggington, Mrs. Holliman(3rd grade bitch teacher),  all of the staff at Dallas CHRISTIAN School (with the exception of my band director), Ashley Jarvis, all cheerleaders at DC, Mark Latham, another Mark (I can't remember his last name but he was terrible), several girls at church, scary ass gansta' girls my freshman year in public high school, Kyle Thompson who lived down the street, mean ass goth bitches at Garland High, Dashing Debs drill team senior officers, Director of Dashing Debs  Mrs. Holliman Mark 2 (hope having those kids really mellowed you out because you were a miserable bag of estrogen and vampire teeth)....
I'm leaving a lot of people out.... OH, CYNTHIA BLAKE(who was crippled but not crippled enough, because she blamed me for her bad decisions to drink and have wild parties underage, to her mother- who then decided that I was the antichrist to "force a cripple to drink and party"... bear in mind, I didn't even drink nor was I wild...oh and I was blamed for stealing a bunch of shit from the mall and had to go to kid jail...she was crippled so obviously it wasn't her fault that HER bag was full of merchandise from Dillards.)

My list of adult 'bullies' in my adulthood is far longer and they would get off on me mentioning their names so... no.

Anyway... I was terribly made fun of for being fat, lispy, slow, gullible , and a bit dumb.

I didn't understand things the way other kids did and I also didn't understand social rules or as I call them, "chick clicks."  I was made fun of so badly that going to school became my personal war of learning how to not be affected by it. My parent's didn't believe me when I would tell them what was going on and they had it set in their heads that sending me to a private school was the best possible thing for me. It was the worst thing because I was surrounded by kids that were from families with money and power and I managed to get into that school through the "outreach" program that accepted certain not-rich kids into the program at a discounted rate. I was dumb and fat though. For real.

However....
It wasn't any one of the "things wrong with me" that got me bullied.

It was the subconscious stench of being prey that allowed them to prey upon me. I was dealing with a lot of traumatic stuff in my home life and that just carried itself in my pores around other kids.  For whatever reason, and I'm sure it's a real real deep reason, I was chosen in this life to overcome a lot. I know one day it will really make a whole heapin' bucket of sense to me and sometimes it makes perfect sense to me without knowing the end game.  What I do know is that had I not been persecuted by the list of people above, I would not have done one of the following things....

*Rescued my grandmother from her car that she drove off a steep embankment. 
-Earlier that day I was picked on pretty hard by Brandon Dixon who had called me Shamu during my VIP Day presentation. I was so angry and full of rage that I mustered up superhuman strength to pull my grandmother from a car sitting at a 45 degree angle while she was unconscious. So thank you Brandon Dixon.

*Learned about nutrition and became quite the guru of health by the age of 16. 
(of course I also took it way too far and basically had an OCD thing with body image and food until I was 27 but still... I knew about every facet of how to stay in shape and eat enough calories, what to eat etc... )

*My entire career in entertainment and my bigger dreams that none of you even know about...yet.  
      -Thank you everyone on that list up there. I'm so glad I was surrounded by naysayers. It was exactly what I needed to fight against so that I never settled for the ordinary things that I know all of you(on the list) settled for. So thanks.

*My core spiritual beliefs. 


*My endless thirst for knowledge about everything in the universe. 
           -If you get called stupid enough, you'll learn some shit. Just sayin'.

*My sense of adventure, risk taking, and relentless pursuit of happiness. 
-If I had not been so repulsed by how my special bullies turned out, I wouldn't have made it my mission to never be like them. That may sound vague but trust me, it's not. I doubt half of them ever met anyone outside of who they went to school with since kindergarten and I've done some research... most of them got married to each other, had kids, and still live in the same zip code. (nothing wrong with that) The hilarious part is that they all look about 50 pounds overweight, miserable, and most have jobs working for that school in some capacity. How sad. They love it there. That's hilarious.

*Most importantly, the strongest belief I have is the belief in myself, which only solidifies my belief in Divine guidance. 


The bullying campaigns or "my kid or I am bullied" victim boat, is another 'boy that cried wolf' situation. You know who was bullied for real recently? That asian couple with their baby that was harassed by a stupid mouth-breathing Cro-Magnon motorcycle gang to the point of being physically dragged out of their mini-van and beaten half to death. THAT is a bully. Or in that case, a full grip of 'em.

The kid that told your kid he looked retarded in "The Flash" cosplay unitard he wore to school when he's 243 pounds and in the 8th grade rockin' some spandex n' "staying in character," is RIGHT in his pursuit to check your kid.  Your kid does look like a finger paints with his feet. Sorry, but he does. Or at least it gives the impression he does when you let him wear THAT SHIT TO SCHOOL!
"But my son likes to do that...." said Mom.

Yeah, well, he sucks and you suck harder.

By the way...Mom, you just got your kid labeled forever by allowing him to be a f*ckin' schmuck and wear that shit around other 8th graders.  Years from now there will be some group of 30 year olds that are hangin' out sayin, "You remember _______ ? Remember when he wore that spandex shit to school...? Oh yeah, he DID have a mask on that's right... Wasn't he from like England or something? Oh that's right, he was "in character. I think his mom took him out of school 'cause of us...(laugh laugh laugh) He never had a chance with a mom like that. " 

(Then uproarious laughter ensues and a google search begins trying to find your fat, miserable, overly terrified-by-life "Mommy supports me" 30 year old son who is still dressing up in outfits in the basement playing Warcraft instead of going to MIT... Because he actually could've changed the world if you had allowed him to get his ass kicked like one time....)

I'm just sayin'.... not everyone is a victim of a real bully.

If someone disagrees with you, they aren't bullying you. 

A bully is someone who threatens you with words or with physical aggression based on their decision to just not like you no matter what and are determined to make you suffer for being alive. Oh and they fall hard when they fall. This is your hero's journey to either overcome, or to level the playing field by being really extraordinary in life.

There are real anti-bullying campaigns that I think are worth talking about, but that's not as much fun, and the best anti-bullying campaign is the one you don't have posters and ribbons for.

However, if you are on board with the global laming bandwagon, you wouldn't be reading this anyway. You'd be in your panic room eating couscous and worrying about Monsanto's effect on your neighborhood Whole Food Market's corn selections, while encouraging your 7 year old "to do whatever makes him/her happy," giving them options (that they have no right to have),  and offering up a plate of   responsibility to "choose for themselves" when they are incapable of reaching the kitchen cabinets.

You're the gatekeeper. You are the one who has choices of whether or not to cover your kid in pillows and hand sanitizer or to let them learn lessons in the way humans have for thousands of years.

If they can reach the kitchen cabinets, (like the top shelf) then it's time to ween them off of your nourishing fear infused breast milk because it's your fault when society falls. Your fault. Not terrorists, not Monsanto, not hormones in the beef, not cancer, the government, God, Allah, Buddha, the economy or The Affordable Health Care Act, or prescription drug companies...

 Nope, it's your fault for raising pussies at the pussy farm.

 I understand wanting to "support your kid no matter what" thing...
However, if they are getting beat up for being losers who like to wear costumes to school at 15 years old, then instead of taking them out of the school of hard knocks, why not let them study how to sew or to do set design or to intern with a theatre wardrobe department over a summer or or or....
That way there's an outlet for their brand of weird that is legitimate and will help them to channel that "individuality" in an appropriate way.

 If your little girl is ballooning out to epic proportions because you "support her desire to eat whenever/whatever she wants to," and give her endless "options" then you have only yourself to blame when her peers start calling her Jabba.

How is an entire generation going to find out what they are made of if adults are preventing them from experiencing any obstacles?
Obstacles that don't affect adults in the same way. Obstacles that are there for a reason. Your support of them should be to  support their tenacity, to teach them how to understand why "that kid is mean," and to show them how many world-changing people started off life by dealing with "that mean kid."

Last thing...

All I'm saying is that when a giant catastrophic event happens, we are going to need earmuffs to drown out the ubiquitous cries of a generation of invertebrates if this coddling doesn't stop.

So...
I hear they got some good deals down at the Walmart on earmuffs these days.
Grab ye a pair and head for high ground folks...

There's a storm a' pussies headed this way and they are wearing spandex.