Hoarding Update! "Imitation Cheese"

If you haven't read my previous blog about the chilli under the bed, please do yourself a favor and read it. If you don't want to do that, then read this one because it will also be wheels off.

Sooooo....

My dog Milkdud has had a reoccurring ear infection that I have to treat almost every day with various ear drops, etc... It's better folks, no worries.

Yesterday I went into the game room to mix up the solution of medicine to put in her ears and I noticed the mixing bowl(one of those big ones) that we mix the dog's food in(part can food, part dry food with supplements for joint health) and saw something inside the bowl that actually blew my mind.

I'll take you back to 4 months ago now...

Imitation cheese was purchased by mistake because someone didn't read the label correctly. I won't touch the stuff because if it doesn't melt in the microwave then it isn't FOOD. The ingredients on the label were as follows: (in order of importance) Pariffin Wax, Food Dye No. 5, Hydrogenated synthetic peanut oil(not kidding), "seasoning," and salt.

NOT FOOD. It is shredded salty candle wax. It is not cheese. It looks like cheese but folks it ain't cheese. It's a candle. Nothing more, nothing less.

This "cheese" is trash. It belongs in the trash. I KNOW I threw at least one giant bag of it in the trash a month ago and it reappeared back in the fridge for "future use."

The bags of this "cheese" were the family sized ones. The big big bag of candle wax- er um- cheese.... not cheese.

Many bags of REAL cheese have been purchased, eaten, and repurchased since the first appearance of the "cheeseNOTcheese" bags made their debut in the fridge.

After the incident I'm about to talk about that happened yesterday I had a conversation with my brother regarding this "cheese" and he told me that he personally had thrown out a bag or TWO about a month ago when he made nachos and realized the "cheese" was still ice cold and intact/full shredded form.

....panning camera back to: Game Room. Yesterday. Dog Mixing bowl.

I look in the dog's mixing bowl (it holds about 2 quarts) and over 3/4 of this bowl was FILLED with the imitation cheese- the "mozzerellahhhh" looking "cheese."

The hoarder(my mom) routinely serves up something wrong to my dogs but this was the worst case of this behavior that I've ever seen. Last week I went into the game room and saw the dog bowl had about 4 pieces of moldy hot dog buns and some petrified furry sausage. I threw it away and growled a bit but figured that this type of thing doesn't happen all that often and the Lord himself must've directed me into the game room at that moment so that I could regulate.

The imitation cheese sent me over the edge. I had a full boar flip out that rendered everyone speechless. If this scene were filmed you would know what the saying really means when you hear someone say "they looked at me like I had 2 heads." I looked at my mom as though she were from Mars and had 2 heads and a zebra body. I said the following really loud and with the expression I just elaborated on:

"Really?! Noooooo. Are you kidding me? No, is this a joke? JUST THROW IT AWAY, THROW IT THE F**K AWAY MOM! YOU WERE GOING TO GIVE ALL THE BAGS OF IMITATION CHEESE TO MY DOGS?! ARE YOU OKAY? ARE YOU FEELING OKAY? IT BELONGS IN THE TRASH. IT IS CANDLE WAX IN THE FORM OF CHEESE. IS THIS WHAT KILLED MY DOG SQUEAKER LAST YEAR? DID SHE EAT A BUCKET OF SHREDDED CANDLE WAX? IS THAT WHY SHE DIDN'T WANT TO EAT ANY MORE AND DEHYDRATED? WERE YOU GOING TO GIVE THEM REAL FOOD OR JUST THE SHREDDED CANDLEWAX CHEESE? WHAT IS IT ABOUT THE TRASH CAN THAT YOU CAN'T FACE? O. MY. GOD. OHHHH MY GAWWWD."

You want to know what she said back? She giggled nervously and then said, "well."

(blood vessels bursting in my frontal lobe and all systems are shutting down)