Definition: To "big time" someone is to have a smug satisfied face grinning with malcontent, non-committal approval of ideas/or you in general, cleaning your palette with society's rusty spoon while tasting the bitterness smiling with a saccharin smirk of contentment. To generate a response from the "big time-ee" that makes them feel dumb or awkward while the "big timer" feels "informed and intellegent."
That's my definition anyway.
I've been big timed by a few people fairly recently.
How do you know if you've been "big timed?" You know if you can feel out this situation: You are at a party with tables of free food and drink, feeling totally comfortable eating and drinking and talking to everyone there when all of a sudden you are told by the host of the party, "you were never invited to this party with all your friends and family, plus there was a cover charge of 984 dollars that you didn't pay and everyone else did.... "
If you have any type of decency you'd feel like a big piece of uninformed shit. You'd probably want to kill yourself from the heatflash wave of embarrassment that steams up your face and makes your heart feel like it is being stomped by a 18 foot tall gorilla. So you "leave the party" and then get into your car and realize that you had the invitation in the console the whole time.... still thinking you are in the wrong somehow you read the invite.... it reads, "Melodee! You are invited to the best fucking party in the fucking world! Hooray for you! Just show up and bring your gorgeous smile! That is all I want is your energy to be there for a bit so just show up! Fuckin' YAY!" You read that invite and you have a sense of confusion like you would if you found out that the CIA gave you fake memories n' shit. You sit there in that confusion and then that head scratching becomes Grade A Homogenized RAGE.
You stomp back in there to really "let 'em have it and throw that invitation in their fucking face..." upon re-entering the same person who just "big timed" you says, "where were you? We were all looking for you? You had me worried! You aren't running off are you?"
Just when you think it's safe to hang out you'll get 'big timed' once more... You'll hear... "I mean, if you want to go it's fine. I've never cared for social events myself so I totally understand if this isn't your scene.... I mean I know you have some kind of social anxiety right? I overcame that years ago but I really did the work to overcome the obstacles that ordinary people find difficult to overcome so WHY DON'T YOU JUST FUCKING LEAVE OKAY!"
Fuckin' whaaaaa?
Once you get savvy to being "big timed" you will be able to recollect all the memories of past events when you felt confused, uninformed, awkward or mad for no reason... you'll feel better knowing now that you were a victim of THE BIG TIMER.
BIG TIMERS are by nature very fragile people. They are rarely animals... although I believe I have been 'big timed' by cats a few times. I hate cats. Anyhow... THE BIG TIMER is typically full of self-loathing, self-righteousness, and self-informed opinions that they purchased from other BIG TIMERS who have a fucking lucrative incentive to sell you their "informed thoughts".... you see, it's all they have. :(
THE BIG TIMER hates everything. They hate you for sure. They hate you because you have no need to fist pump your opinions in front of people who don't care. THE BIG TIMER loves to fist pump on things that they know will make people uncomfortable. *Here is the most important part for you to understand.... If you are visibly uncomfortable or argue with them at all, they love it because that is a launching pad to BIG TIME the shit out of you.*
However, even if you humbly say that you "don't have enough information to know what they are talking about," -you are still fucked. You will still get BIG TIMED, big time.
(ex. )
BIG TIMER: So did you see the latest Marvel movie? (they know you did because it's your favorite shit)
YOU: Yeah I saw it. Didn't I tell you? No? Well it was awesome. This one part when Thor is all like kickin' Frost Giant ass and like tossin' his mallet around and......
BIG TIMER: (interrupts you by singing a song under their breath)
YOU: Oh yeah I'll shut up, sorry I was going off on all that... nerdin' out... ha ha ha
BIG TIMER: (still slightly humming and looking aloof and in a quiet smug voice says....) Oh uhm no it's cool. I am listening. I just, well, I have never understood why you are so into superhero stuff if you don't like to read fiction.
YOU: I'm talking about a movie. It's different. And I do read fiction. I collect comic books, I mean, that is fiction.
BIG TIMER: Some would disagree about it being fiction but who am I to say what is a literary work of art, you know?
YOU: Well, you probably would know cause you read all the time.
BIG TIMER: Actually I don't really. In my youth I think I was fascinated with other's ideas about the life experience but now I'm more into creating my own life experience that isn't based on someone's ideas for me.
F^&*(%(%^( YOUR &*)(&*)&*)&B FACE!
So........Moving along.....
So how do you stop THE BIG TIMER from BIG TIMING you? I mean, sure it would be fun to crush their skull or give them a swift uppercut to the asshole but they will continue to BIG TIME the shit out of you... in court.
You stop THE BIG TIMER easily. Use the following technique: (disclaimer: If you say the following to THE BIG TIMER they will convulse, vomit and their head will explode)
All you have to say is, "SHUT. THE. FUUUUUCK. UP...fuckin' A'...just shut the fuck up. The fuck. Do you fucking hear yourself, son of a bitch, shut the fucking fuck up. No, shut the FUCK up."
I am not responsible for what happens after you tell THE BIG TIMER to shut the fuck up but I promise they will shut the fuck up.
If that doesn't work then all I can tell you is to just succeed in life. That is something THE BIG TIMER has little knowledge of.
May the force be strong in you young Jedi- I'm out.
