Back to basics now... Life Jerky is what I call it. You really have to commit to chewing on the hard salty parts of that jerky in order to fully understand why you are eating it in the first place.
Shall we begin chewing?
Recently I had dinner with a long time friend and we began discussing how we are regressing in age. I'm in my early 30's and I feel like I'm in the 4th grade. In no way am I protesting this regression. It's fabulous. I have life stuff I really need to handle but I'm totally unmotivated to handle to more grown up aspects of living. I've never cared for details that most normal people worry about. I figure I'll get after it sooner or later.
At this very moment I have a broken foot. To the naked eye it doesn't appear to be broken but according to X-Ray films, it is unmistakable. It's broken. I had to leave my circus life a bit earlier than I'd planned on because of this broken foot thing. As I sit in my house watching television and waiting for workman's compensation checks, I am forced to think about what it all means.
I've always believed that if life events seem to consistently go against the grain then maybe it's best to recalculate the compass and march ahead in the direction that isn't trying to kill you.
It is however, a delicate balance of knowing how much resistance you are supposed to have verses the lethal dose. Nothing about my situation now is making much sense in either direction. It is as though I've been in a vortex for a year and don't know which way is out.
This all became apparent to me when my best friend said something about Conan O'Brien's new show. I had NO idea what she was talking about. She said to me, "Dude, are you living under a rock?" Two thoughts entered my head at this moment.
1. No. I'm living on a circus train.
2. I used to say the same thing to people who I had deemed as being "out of the loop" about social events...and I thought they were really stupid for not knowing information that is plastered on all known media.
I realize this is a small example but sometimes processing something small can be a bread crumb trail out of the Ignorant Shire.
This same person has made me laugh really hard by something she said to me on the phone in the last month when I would vent my frustration over my life on a circus train... "Train people have no god."
I don't know, it makes me laugh.
I have so much stuff to get done that would increase my quality of life right now but when I think about doing those things, I feel like hiding in the shed in the backyard. Perhaps I'll do that very thing. I hear it's nice in there this time of year; quiet, dark, musky, full of spiders... not unlike my train room really!
My brother just walked in and looked at me and said the following in an excited way, "What's a' goin' on Melodious Funk?" I stared at him for 10 seconds and said, "nothing." He walked away and said, "I got corndogs?" I have to admit that I became restless by this thought and now will go into the kitchen and eat the dog of corn.
More later from the inside of my mind.
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